Skip to main content

Fair Fighting in Couple Therapy

  • Reference work entry
  • First Online:
Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy

Introduction

Conflict is inevitable in couple relationships and the ability to do it in a healthy way can yield desired resolution for the partnership (Gurman et al. 2015).

Theoretical Context for Concept

A crucial element to fair fighting is the ability to communicate among partners. Oftentimes, when conflict begins among a couple each person spends time attempting to prove their partner wrong (Gottman et al. 1995). Markman et al. (1998) have identified a framework that carves out clear roles for the speaker, listener, and partnership in working toward managing conflict. The focus of the speaker-listener framework is to utilize techniques that harness skills to speak to each other in a meaningful and fair way that creates space for fair fighting.

Description

Fair fighting includes active listening, gaining perspective, awareness of thoughts/words and body language, and taking a time out (Gottman et al. 1995). Unfair fighting consists of manipulation, abuse, name-calling, avoidance...

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Chapter
USD 29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD 799.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Hardcover Book
USD 999.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Institutional subscriptions

References

  • Gottman, J., Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1995). Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last. New York: Simon and Schuster.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gurman, A. S., Lebow, J. L., & Snyder, D. K. (Eds.). (2015). Clinical handbook of couple therapy. New York: Guilford Publications.

    Google Scholar 

  • Johnson, S. M., & Denton, W. (2002). Emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating secure connections. In A. S. Gurman & N. S. Jacobson (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (pp. 221–250). New York: Guilford Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Markman, H., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S. L. (1998). Fighting for your marriage: Positive steps for preventing divorce and preserving a lasting love. Family Court Review, 36(1), 95–95.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Morris, M. W., Williams, K. Y., Leung, K., Larrick, R., Mendoza, M. T., Bhatnagar, D., Jianfeng, L. M. K., Jin-Lian, L., & Hu, J. C. (1998). Conflict management style: Accounting for cross-national differences. Journal of International Business Studies, 29(4), 729–747.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., & Blumberg, S. L. (1997). The Speaker/listener technique. The Family Journal, 5(1), 82–83.

    Article  Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

Authors

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Dara Winley .

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

Section Editor information

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2019 Springer Nature Switzerland AG

About this entry

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this entry

Winley, D., Adedokun, E., Chou, J. (2019). Fair Fighting in Couple Therapy. In: Lebow, J.L., Chambers, A.L., Breunlin, D.C. (eds) Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-49425-8_592

Download citation

Publish with us

Policies and ethics