All in the Family: Same-Sex Relationships in Traditional Families

Abstract

Perhaps the best-kept secret about homosexuality is that as many if not more homosexually inclined people worldwide live in “traditional” heterosexual marriages as in same-sex couples. Those who are traditionally married never get counted as gay in surveys. It is well known that in India and other supposedly traditional societies, large numbers of people live as apparently traditional heterosexuals, while secretly engaging in homosexual liaisons, or leading lives of quiet desperation. That the same is true in the West is less often acknowledged because many people assume that the openly gay community is synonymous with the entire gay population. In fact, this is far from being the case.

Anyone for a marriage of convenience? A young and handsome gay man … industrialist from India … very sensitive, caring, honest and in the closet,… seeks a companion for a platonic relationship. Would prefer to have a baby.

—On khush chat-list, 2004

Love’s secret is always lifting its head

Out from under the covers,

“Here I am!”

—Jalaluddin Rumi (1207–1273)