Build Your … Communication Skills

Abstract

Each of these smart, articulate women made a common—but damaging—communication mistake. Could you tell? These examples illustrate that communication skills are a critical yet underdeveloped aspect of both personal and professional life. Communication is one of our earliest developed skills—one we put to use when we are just hours old (certainly a skill that Lindsay’s son used early on in his life—especially when she had just settled in to work on this book). However, at times, it also feels like one of our least developed skills. Participate in an employee focus group on pretty much any topic, and inevitably, someone will raise the issue of poor communication. In a 2010 article in Psychology Today called “The Five Most Common Ways Bosses Screw Up,” the number one reason was undercom-municating.¹ Ask any married couple about communication issues and you’ll likely get an exasperated eye roll with both spouses ready to tick off a list of communication failures in their relationship. Surprising, in an era of smartphones, tablets, and bluetooth devices? Not really; the phrase “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” still rings true in today’s connected world.

During a planning session on corporate strategy, Melissa asks, “Do you think we should consider expanding into China?” when she really meant, “I think we should do business in China.”

When asked by her boss if he can see an early version of a report Sara is drafting, Sara responds by saying, “OK, here it is, sorry I didn’t get the graphics included yet but I can send them to you when I get them,” when she should have said, “Here is the in-process version of the report you requested. I’m on track to have the graphics included by the Friday deadline.”

After meeting with her assistant to explain that he is going to fail his performance review, Anne receives a call from the company human resources manager who indicates to Anne that the assistant has refused to sign the review document because it is inconsistent with the positive feedback he received in her conversation with Anne.

Cara is at a get acquainted reception with other new hires. When asked by a senior manager what interests she had in college, Cara responds, “I was on the golf team and hope to continue playing,” when it would have been more accurate to say, “I was captain of the golf team for three years and have a three handicap—I’m hoping that I’m able to keep that up as I dig into my career here.”