Intimacy

Abstract

Much of this book has asked about the ways in which new forms of intimacy and relationships are created by gay and lesbian parents. How are bonds, likenesses, connections, belonging, and so on, forged when living on the edge of dominant notions of kin, family and parent/child links? Kathleen Stewart’s story about the lone, 40-something woman serves as a reminder, here, that a ‘liveable life’ (Butler, 2004a: xv) is one that is more easily recognized within discourses about heterosexuality, coupledom and family life. This does not mean that Stewart’s character is defined by lack — she creates a life of connections, passions and identity — but it is as though she must be constantly reminded that she is unusual. As Foucault has noted:

She knows a woman in her forties who has never married and lives alone. Her life is full of work, good friends, and family, all kinds of passions and forms of self- knowledge. But it’s like there’s no frame to announce that her life has begun. She knows this is ridiculous, but she swims against a constant undertow.

(Stewart, 2007: 46)