Arguments, Indirectness and Non-Disclosure

Abstract

Following on from the idea that individuals’ personal styles and skills affect the quality of intimacy, this chapter explores the possible impact of such differences on the day-to-day experiences of couples as they negotiate their intimacy needs with one another. It examines the question of whether (and how) different conflict styles impact on the quality of mutual self-disclosure between couples. As we have already noted at a number of junctures, self-disclosure is at the heart of modern intimacy — in the form of the pure relationship (Giddens 1992, Beck and Beck-Gernsheim 1995). In particular the chapter focuses on differences between direct and indirect styles of communication in individual partners and how this is reflected in their conflict styles and arguments. Overall, it is suggested that an over-reliance on indirectness in one or both partners can lead to the narrowing down or even disappearance of self-disclosure between partners, which, in turn, may lead to relationship problems with varying degrees of seriousness.