Abstract
By using various forms of power and control — via skills of persuasion and influence — couples negotiate their sexual and emotional needs and desires. These negotiations may, in fact, lead to mutually satisfying arrangements, but perhaps just as frequently they may result in relationships fraught with tensions, insecurities and disappointments (Craib 1994). Optimal intimacy — intimacy that is satisfying for both partners — requires the liberal presence of what I call ‘mutual benign control’. When this is, indeed, present, the needs, desires and rights of each of the partners are judiciously catered for on a fair and equal basis while, at the same time, naked self-interest and manipulation are minimised. An over-reliance on manipulative strategies tends to corrode and devalue intimacy as can be observed in emotional blackmail, or psychological bullying (Forward and Frazier 1998).
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© 2009 Derek Layder
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Layder, D. (2009). Intimacy and Interpersonal Control. In: Intimacy and Power. Palgrave Macmillan, London. https://doi.org/10.1057/9780230245143_4
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1057/9780230245143_4
Publisher Name: Palgrave Macmillan, London
Print ISBN: 978-1-349-36820-4
Online ISBN: 978-0-230-24514-3
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