The Complexity of Envy

Abstract

Let us begin with the difficult task of defining envy. First of all, it is often confused with jealousy, which as we shall see later is actually clearly distinguishable from envy. More fundamentally, envy refers to a complex psychological process; it is so complex that envious people themselves are not always aware of it and are sometimes the last persons to realize that their behavior is attributable to envious motives.²

I know what envy is. I know what it tastes and smells like; I know its size, weight, the physical sensations, emotional cost, and spiritual consequences that go with it. In my inner computer, envy is the virus. It has dug out a weakness in my character that is at once blatantly obvious and infinitely subtle. From time to time, envy produces powerful physical and emotional reactions, but sometimes it hides deep into the shadows of my psyche and determines the decisions I should make myself.

But because I am an envy addict, it wasn’t enough to just want what they had. I envied them so much that it hurt me. And I felt deeply worthless. It was as if I was slowly disappearing, as if I was turning gray while they were still in color. I could not remember what my own gifts and talents were […].¹