The Digital Swish of Gay Identity

Abstract

In contemporary vernacular, things that are too feminine are “gay” (meaning “stupid”), especially when they are performed or tried on by someone of the male sex. From children to adults, males are encouraged away from feminine, that is, “gay” gestures, pastimes, mannerisms, colors, ways of being in the world. To be gay is defined as a feminine male, flamboyantly prancing about in sparkles and pink, speaking in a high voice with lots of limp-wristed hand gestures, and preoccupied with beauty aesthetics. A fifty-something gay male, working at an upscale New York City restaurant as a server, was recently told by management that he needed to use his hands less when he talked. A kindergarten teacher tells me of a 5-year-old who, in the context of a school play, makes a point of grimacing and avoiding a Snow White costume when rambling through a clothes trunk because to brush against something marked as feminine would jeopardize his own masculinity. One of my college students, when presenting on the Barbie beauty aesthetic with a female friend, made a point of reiterating how he did not even touch the Barbies featured in his PowerPoint. My 6-year-old tells me when writing a poem in his First Grade classroom, his teacher had him change the word “gay” (meaning “happy” in the context of the poem) to a less fraught word because, “the teacher said ‘gay’ means stupid.” A young gay man confided to me after class that he doesn’t really like home décor and decorating, but once he came out to his female friends, they assumed it was one of his main interests. These are all examples of the entrenched messages that permeate our culture regarding femininity and gay identity. All things feminine are gay; gay is stupid; feminine is stupid; females are stupid; males who act like females are stupid. The syllogism of the patriarchy bears down on gender and sexuality, specifically and oppressively in relation to feminine gender and male biology: the two should never meet and if they do, no good can come.