Dependants: Living Between Fear and Freedom

Abstract

This chapter explores the experiences of the ‘dependants’, a group of mothers and fathers who engage in a joint parenting arrangement but with little communication between the divorced parents. The parents, who were part of one-and-a-half-income marital households, make an effort to balance a sense of family life while trying to be autonomous in their post-separation life. They are resentful about the failings of the former spouse whom they are dependent on, while at the same time fearful of the consequences of their former spouses’ actions. In this state of hostile dependency they are each threatened by the power of the other. In managing conflicts and disputes about parenting and financial arrangements, the experiences reveal the contested aspects of being a moral parent in contemporary society. The practical content of the moral dilemma is deeply gendered and parents do considerable emotion work in managing the triadic relationship. They manage fear by turning to the courts to solidify their role in sustaining family life. They also manage their fear by turning to other experts, such as child and family psychologists, who are expected to ascertain what is in the child’s best interest. The findings demonstrate how mothers’ and fathers’ experience of fear directs change in post-separation practices of parenting.