Married Life

Abstract

After his marriage a son remains with his father in the men’s house or he stays with one of the brothers of his mother. The young man received all kinds of advice about what is expected of a husband. Thus a father may say to his son, “Boy, when you have taken a wife, do not be lazy. Whatever she may order you to do, do it for her. If you do not do what she says, she will feel unhappy. If your wife is glad to have you, she in her turn will do what you command her to do. If you are rude, she will be the same to you. Getting angry will not do. You and your wife must be good to one another. If you are too much of a nuisance, she will start looking for another husband. If your wife goes fishing, you must go to the bush and cut firewood. When she comes back, she will be pleased and she will think that her husband is not lazy, that he knows how to work. Follow my example, otherwise your child will go hungry and cry for fish. If you go to the forest, you must gather palm leaves for your wife, lest she must ask others to do this for her. Imagine if someone gave her leaves which are wet with urine. You would be put to shame, and so would your wife. If you come home empty handed, someone might say to your wife, ‘Your husband has not gathered any leaves because he was chasing other women’. If your wife comes home from fishing, do not immediately ask her for sago. You must let her eat first. She knows quite well that you have stayed at home with the children and that you are hungry. If during my lifetime you give your wife a beating, I will throw it in your face and ask who taught you that. I have never beaten your mother. If I hear of it again, I will come at you with a spear. You must not get angry with your wife. If you beat your wife, she will grow as thin as a rib. Other women will say she is thin because her husband is always beating her up with a stick. Do not beat your child. If it is thin, it is because you have beaten it with a piece of wood.”