Microtraumas: The So-called Little Things

Abstract

As a result of microtraumatic experiences in one’s upbringing, one is more sensitive and receptive to the details of those areas than to other ones. Just as a steady stream of droplets can eventually hollow out a stone, so the day-to-day experiences with the actual capabilities create areas of reduced resistance. Hence for one person, tardiness can unleash a lot of unrest, anxiety, and aggression, while another person can be upset by his or her mate’s rudeness, messiness, demands for punctuality, or lack of reliability. If different attitudinal and behavioral patterns confront each other in a relationship, there can develop conflicts that accumulate as microtraumas, which in turn form neuralgic points in the structure of the personality. Against this background, a continuing emotional stress can set in, which then leads to psychic and psychosomatic disorders, inhibiting communication within the family. For example: “If I don’t clean up my room, it always means ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ That thought always put me into a panic. Today I am terribly pedantic, and this often gets me into trouble with my husband and children,” says a thirty-nine-year-old housewife with inhibitions, social anxieties, difficulties in dealing with people, and marital problems. In the first instance, the actual capabilities involved are order, trust, and contact: in the second case, obedience and politeness are the main themes.

The highest form of wisdom is kindness.

—Talmud