Abstract
This chapter explores the “dark sides of care”; more specifically, it illustrates and discusses the conditions under which care becomes a potential context of unsuccessful and emotionally draining forms of interaction rituals. It also shows, however, how even in the darkest regions of the phenomenology of care there is room for unanticipated glimpses of light which further emphasise the strategic role of care as a context where emotion-based, interactional forms of social inclusion are constantly produced.
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- 1.
The conceptual containers referring to a specific topic and/or emerging theme. See the Appendix for further elucidation on the use of N-VIVO and the qualitative analysis of the data.
- 2.
On this subject, see also Hochschild’s famous and provocative book Time Bind: When Work Becomes Home and Home Becomes Work.
- 3.
Procreative consciousness is an expression I borrow from Berkowitz and Marsiglio. In their compelling qualitative study (2007), Dana Berkowitz and William Marsiglio examine how emerging structural opportunities and shifting constraints shape gay men’s experiences with their procreative and family identities.
- 4.
See, in particular, the works by Nancy Fraser on the care crisis under neoliberalism.
- 5.
Literature on parenthood shows that there is a middle-class model of intensive parenthood that is setting the standards for what an adequate and/or successful parent should do. Dynamics of inclusion/exclusion from being considered a good/successful parent, therefore, also include the possibility of complying with this model and of setting a distance from lower-class models of parenthood. On these aspects, see also the works by Gillies (2011), Dermott (2008), Dermott and Miller (2015) and Taylor (2009, 2010). On the other hand, the risk that civil rights such as the legal recognition of same-sex parenthood may depend upon compliance with a definition of the “good citizen” which is based on middle-class models and neoliberal agendas of social control and regulation is highlighted by Bell and Binnie (2000), Bertone (2013), Brown (2012), Cossman (2007), Duggan (2002), Edelman (2004), Eng (2010), Phelan (2001), Richardson (2000a, b, 2004, 2005), Seidman (2002).
- 6.
What psychologists call cognitive dissonance.
- 7.
- 8.
Photo elicitation is one of the research instruments I used during the interviews. This tool turned out to be very useful in soliciting arguments and discussions that would not otherwise have been raised. For more details about this research instrument, see the Appendix.
- 9.
Together with only one heterosexual man.
- 10.
Sullivan’s emotional reactions during the interview are quite comparable to William Wordsworth ’s idea of emotion recollected in tranquillity: “the emotion is contemplated till by a species of reaction the tranquillity gradually disappears, and an emotion, kindred to that which was before the subject of contemplation is gradually produced, and does itself actually exist in the mind.” William Wordsworth , Preface to Lyrical Ballads (1802). The gradual materialisation of Sullivan’s past emotions through the story-telling represents an empirical evidence that we not only are and behave according to what we feel, but also that what we feel is mediated by what we think, in other words, of the unescapable social mediation of emotions. At times, the cognitive appraisal process at the basis of emotion—what we think we feel—can be so strong that it can induce us to feel the emotion even when what we think is wrong or only self-illusionary, or when what we think we feel belongs to past, as in the case of Sullivan.
- 11.
Surrogacy is a method of assisted reproduction whereby a woman agrees to become pregnant for the purpose of gestating and giving birth to a child for others to raise. She may be the child’s genetic mother (the more traditional form of surrogacy), or she may be implanted with an unrelated embryo. In traditional surrogacy , the surrogate is pregnant with her own biological child, but this child was conceived with the intention of relinquishing the child to be raised by others; in gestational surrogacy, the surrogate becomes pregnant via embryo transfer with a child of which she is not the biological mother. A recent, critical examination of the multiple issues involved in this specific form of procreative choice is provided by Danna (2015).
- 12.
By using what is called “at-home insemination”.
- 13.
On the problematic nature of gender equality in heterosexual and same-sex intimate relationships, see also Schwartz and Singer (2001).
- 14.
- 15.
Famiglie Arcobaleno (Rainbow Families ), which, as explained in the methods section, represented one of the many online resources on which the phenomenology of same-sex parenthood discussed in this book was based.
- 16.
Before hearing about these booklets from Sullivan, I had found several websites of adoption agencies that display a lot of these personal profiles. I have read several profiles and they document, at length, the history of the couple, the couple’s family background, their friends, their house, their jobs, their hobbies, the way they use their spare time, their travels and so forth. Everything is accompanied by several photos of the couple, their families, their friends and so on. It is an interesting and somehow striking form of marketisation of the presentation of self, because people know that there is a form of competition between the numerous prospective parents and that they need to “sell” their profile and the way they present themselves. Even a small detail in their profile can be decisive for them to be selected from the pool of potential adoptive parents. On the positive side, singles and couples, heterosexual and same-sex couples are presented together, without distinction, at least in the online adoption agencies which do not discriminate.
- 17.
The fact that same-sex couples are more likely than heterosexual couples to be offered adoption of children with significant physical or mental health issues emerged quite clearly in my sample as well as from the analysis of the grey literature and of the massive amount of online material. Sometimes, particularly with prospective gay fathers, the couple is offered the opportunity to adopt children with serious physical or psychological problems in order to increase their chances to be selected from the agency. But I do not have enough scientific evidence to corroborate and support this hypothesis. On this matter, see also Strah, Gay Dads, (2003).
- 18.
For a discussion of Simmel’s Philosophy of Money in comparison with the analyses of money in the writings of Marx (as well as Weber and Durkheim), see Mathieu Deflem (2003) “The Sociology of the Sociology of Money: Simmel and the Contemporary Battle of the Classics.” Journal of Classical Sociology 3(1): 67–96.
- 19.
The Philosophy of Money/Philosophie des Geldes (1900), Georg Simmel. English translation by David Frisby (Ed.); London; New York: Routledge, 2004. In the Philosophy of Money, and particularly in the final essay “The Style of Life,” Simmel explores the way in which money mediates social interaction, shaping every aspects of modern life and breaking down traditional family ties. But he also shows how this loosening of traditional, emotional bonds allows for individuals to react creatively and make one’s own way through the world. It also brings about a new kind of intellectual life and a new particular kind of freedom which can provide a filter against the sensory overload of modern life.
- 20.
This will be further illustrated in Chap. 8.
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Pratesi, A. (2018). The Dark Sides of Care. In: Doing Care, Doing Citizenship . Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-63109-7_5
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