Strategies for Healing from Disenfranchised Grief: A Case Study from Botswana

Abstract

Botswanan culture boasts of a traditional protocol which is observed strictly when the head of the family (husband) has died. However this chapter presents a fragmented protocol following the death of Vital who was divorced from Ludo at the time of his death. All the necessary processes were observed, but there was a huge gap since Ludo was either excluded or ignored including her younger children. Ludo’s exclusion emanated from the subtle, but potent hostilities that her elders (In-laws) held against her. This exclusion meant that Ludo could not be sanctioned as the chief mourner and in addition would not be allowed to publicly mourn her husband’s death. Consequently, she suffered extreme confusion, insurmountable pain and hurt resulting from her elders neglect. To heal from her loss and grief, Ludo had to devise strategies that would assist her and her children to painfully accept her elders’ attitude and behaviour and channel energy towards healing. This stance enabled Ludo and her children to being able to live a full and quality life in the absence of her (ex) husband/father following the extremely negative encounters with her in-laws during one of the most difficult times in her life.

At the beginning of the chapter, the reader is led to appreciate how childhood experiences (Vital & Ludo), cultural differences, parental expectations can impact on the success or failure in a marriage. The general traditional set-up of Botswana is also presented which also depicts the cultural similarities than differences amongst most ethnic groups.