Falling in Love in Later Life

Abstract

We now recognize that the need to be recognized as special by others, and to experience touch and intimacy, persist throughout life. Much more research has focused on love, sex, courtship, and marriage during early adulthood than in later life. The topic of love in the later years constitutes a research gap. This chapter reviews quantitative research and qualitative, anecdotal evidence about how older adults experience attraction, dating, and decide how they will carry out relationships appropriate for this stage in life. New issues arise in later relationships: dealing with changes in sexual functioning; how much and in what ways to remain involved in each partner’s earlier family structures; determining the balance of togetherness and individual lives; planning estate decisions; and planning for the possibility of long-term (or nursing) care for a new partner. Gender differences are evident: men value sexual attractiveness and sexual activity more than do women; women value companionate characteristics more than do men. Many individuals (more women than men) are looking for a relationship they have not yet found; many others have found fulfilling additional relationships, or wonderfully different relationships in later life. Women seem more likely than men to be looking for a non-marital, companionate relationship in which they can maintain their autonomy and sense of economic control. Further research is needed to identify factors which help create and sustain nurturing, loving relationships in later life.