Skip to main content
SpringerLink
Log in
Book cover

Romantic Relationships in a Time of ‘Cold Intimacies’ pp 261–283Cite as

Palgrave Macmillan

‘I Wanted a Happy Ever After Life’: Love, Romance and Disappointment in Heterosexual Single Mothers’ Intimacy Scripts

  • Chapter
  • First Online:

Part of the book series: Palgrave Macmillan Studies in Family and Intimate Life ((PSFL))

Abstract

This chapter discusses conceptions of romantic love in relation to disappointment, which Illouz (Cold Intimacies: The Making of Emotional Capitalism. Cambridge: Polity Press, 2007; Why Love Hurts. Cambridge: Polity Press, 2012) identifies as a key feature of contemporary love and dating practices. Narrative research identified layers of complexity within single mothers’ choice-making around intimacy. Participants experienced disappointment that ideal romantic relationships envisaged as part of ‘intimacy scripts’—or blueprints for intimate lives—had not come to fruition. Culturally endorsed intimacy scripts were overlaid with commercialised narratives of romance (Illouz, Why Love Hurts. Cambridge: Polity Press, 2012). Bound up with material aspirations, these functioned as a form of ‘cruel optimism’ (Berlant, Cruel Optimism. Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 2011), promising fulfilment but failing to deliver either normative family life, gender equality, meaningful relationships or ideal romantic ‘happy endings’. Everyday lived realities rather entailed prioritising material survival, safety and provision of care for dependents.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution.

Chapter
USD   29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD   84.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Softcover Book
USD   109.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Compact, lightweight edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info
Hardcover Book
USD   109.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Learn about institutional subscriptions

References

  • Barker, M.-J., Gill, R. and Harvey, L. (2018) Mediated Intimacy: Sex Advice in Media Culture. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Beck, U. and Beck-Gernsheim, E. (1995) The Normal Chaos of Love. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Berlant, L. (2011) Cruel Optimism. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Bryman, A. (2012) Social Research Methods. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Budgeon, S. (2008) Couple Culture and the Production of Singleness. Sexualities, 11: 301–321.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Duncan, S. (2011) Personal Life, Pragmatism and Bricolage. Sociological Research Online, 16 (4).

    Google Scholar 

  • Ehrenreich, B. (1983) The Hearts of Men: American dreams and the flight from commitment. London: Pluto.

    Google Scholar 

  • Evans, M. (2003) Love: An Unromantic Discussion. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Fineman, M.A. (2004) The Autonomy Myth: A Theory of Dependency. New York: The New Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gabb, J. (2010) Researching Intimacy in Families. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gagnon, J. and Simon, W. (1973) Sexual Conduct: The Social Sources of Human Sexuality. London: Hutchinson.

    Google Scholar 

  • Giddens, A. (1992) The Transformation of Intimacy. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gillies, V. (2007) Marginalised Mothers: Exploring working-class experiences of parenting. London: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gross, N. (2005) The Detraditionalization of Intimacy Reconsidered. Sociological Theory, 23 (3): 286–311.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hochschild, A. (1983) The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. Berkeley: University of California Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hockey, J.L., Meah, A. and Robinson, V. (2010) Mundane heterosexualities: From theory to practices. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan.

    Google Scholar 

  • Illouz, E. (2007) Cold intimacies: The making of emotional capitalism. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Illouz, E. (2012) Why Love Hurts. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jackson, S. (1999) Heterosexuality in Question. London: Sage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jamieson, L. (1998) Intimacy: Personal Relationships in Modern Societies. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kaufman, J. (2008) The Single Woman and the Fairytale Prince. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Layne, L. (2015) A Changing Landscape of Intimacy: The Case of a Single Mother by Choice. Sociological Research Online, Special Issue on Intimacy and Equality, 20 (4).

    Google Scholar 

  • Lewis, J. (2001) The End of Marriage? Individualism and Intimate Relations. Cheltenham: Edward Elgar.

    Google Scholar 

  • Morris, C. (2014) Unsettled scripts: intimacy narratives of heterosexual single mothers. Doctoral thesis (PhD), University of Sussex. Available at: http://sro.sussex.ac.uk/48918/.

  • Morris, C. (2015) Considerations of Equality in heterosexual single mothers’ intimacy narratives. Sociological Research Online, Special Issue on Intimacy and Equality, 20 (4).

    Google Scholar 

  • Morris, C. (2018a) The significance of friendship in heterosexual single mothers’ intimate lives. Families, Relationships and Society (Online first) https://doi.org/10.1332/204674318X15262010818254.

  • Morris, C. (2018b) Mum’s the word: Single mothers talking (or not) about sex. In Morris, Boyce, Cornwall, Frith, Harvey and Huang (eds.) (2018) Researching sex and sexualities. UK: Zed Publishing.

    Google Scholar 

  • Morris, C. and Munt, S.R. (2019) Classed formations of shame in white, British single mothers. Feminism & Psychology, Special Issue on Shame. 29 (2): 231–249.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Plummer, K. (1995) Telling sexual stories: Power, change, and social worlds. New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Plummer, K. (2001) Documents of Life: An Invitation to a Critical Humanism. Sage: London.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Pugh, A. (2015) The Tumbleweed Society: Working and Caring in an age of insecurity. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Ribbens McCarthy, J., Edwards, R. and Gillies, V. (2003) Making Families: Moral Tales of parenting and step-parenting. Durham: British Sociological Centre.

    Google Scholar 

  • Riessman, C.K. (1993) Narrative Analysis. Newbury Park: Sage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Roseneil, S. (2005) Living and Loving beyond the Boundaries of the Heteronorm: Personal relationships in the 21st Century. In Cunningham-Burley, S. and Mckie, L. (eds.) Families in Society: Boundaries and Relationships. Bristol: Policy Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Simon, W. and Gagnon, J.H. (1999) Sexual Scripts. In Parker, R. and Aggleton, P. (eds.) Culture, Society and Sexuality: A Reader. London: University College London Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Skeggs, B. (2005) The Making of Class and Gender through Visualizing Moral Subject Formation. Sociology, 39 (5): 965–982.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Silva, J. (2013) Coming up short: Working-class adulthood in an age of uncertainty. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Smart, C. (2007) Personal Life: New Directions in Sociological Thinking. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Walklate, S. (2004) Gender, crime and criminal justice. Cullompton: Willan.

    Google Scholar 

  • Weeks, J. (2007) The World we have won: The remaking of intimate and erotic lives. London: Routledge.

    Book  Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. University of Sussex, Brighton, UK

    Charlotte Morris

Authors
  1. Charlotte Morris
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Charlotte Morris .

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

  1. University of the West of England, Bristol, UK

    Julia Carter

  2. University of Hull, Hull, UK

    Lorena Arocha

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2020 The Author(s)

About this chapter

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this chapter

Morris, C. (2020). ‘I Wanted a Happy Ever After Life’: Love, Romance and Disappointment in Heterosexual Single Mothers’ Intimacy Scripts. In: Carter, J., Arocha, L. (eds) Romantic Relationships in a Time of ‘Cold Intimacies’. Palgrave Macmillan Studies in Family and Intimate Life. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-29256-0_12

Download citation

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-29256-0_12

  • Published:

  • Publisher Name: Palgrave Macmillan, Cham

  • Print ISBN: 978-3-030-29255-3

  • Online ISBN: 978-3-030-29256-0

  • eBook Packages: Social SciencesSocial Sciences (R0)

Publish with us

Policies and ethics

Search

Navigation