Abstract
This chapter addresses the following aspects of a Jewish approach to family violence:
-
a.
The definition and status of wife beating, sexual abuse, and verbal abuse in Jewish law and tradition;
-
b.
The duties of witnesses to abuse, despite the dangers of defaming, shaming, and reporting the abuser to governmental authorities;
-
c.
The duty of the abused party to make her way out of an abusive situation, and the duty of the community to help her do that;
-
d.
The abuser:
-
1.
Substantiating accusations of abuse, despite a strong presumption of innocence in Jewish law
-
2.
The process and requirements of making amends;
-
1.
-
e.
The role of rabbis, educators, and lay leaders in preventing abuse and repairing its consequences.
This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution.
Buying options
Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout
Purchases are for personal use only
Learn about institutional subscriptionsNotes
- 1.
Thus the Torah (Deuteronomy 21:22–23) demands that even someone executed on court order for cause be buried the same day to preserve a degree of respect for God’s creation (“for an impaled body is an affront to God”), and the Torah (Deuteronomy 25:3) similarly restricts the number of lashes a court may inflict to forty “lest being flogged further, to excess, your brother be degraded before your eyes.” The Rabbis, in fact, diminished the number further on these grounds; cf. M. Makkot 3:10–11; B. Makkot 22a; M.T. Sanhedrin, Chap. 17. For a summary of the use and restrictions of flogging as a penalty, see “Flogging,” Encyclopedia Judaica 6:1348–1351. Such flogging, though, was restricted to courts and was not given to individuals to impose on others. Since the Enlightenment, Jewish courts in the Diaspora no longer have had the authority to inflict lashes, and the Israeli system of justice does not include such a penalty either.
- 2.
One might argue that Jews must avoid family violence because we are bound by civil law under the dictum, “the law of the land is the law” (dina de’malkhuta dina). That may well be true, but it is not as clear as one might think, for that dictum was usually restricted to commercial matters. For a discussion of the scope and rationales of “the law of the land is the law,” see Elliot N. Dorff and Arthur Rosett, A Living Tree: The Roots and Growth of Jewish Law (Albany: State University Press of New York, 1988), pp. 515–523. For a discussion of sanctification of God’s name (and avoiding desecration of God’s name) and holiness as reasons to obey Jewish law, see Elliot N. Dorff, For the Love of God and People: A Philosophy of Jewish Law (Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 2007), pp. 157–160. For the demand that Jews be at least as moral as non-Jews, see, for example, David Novak, The Image of the Non-Jew in Judaism (New York: Edwin Mellen, 1983), pp. 90–93; and “Kiddush Ha-Shem,” Encyclopedia Judaica 10:979–980.
- 3.
R. Simhah in Or Zarua, Piskei Bava Kamma, Sect. 161. Joseph Karo, Bet Yosef to the Tur, Even Ha-Ezer 154:15. Maharam, Responsa of the Maharam (Prague edition), Sect. 81.
- 4.
Rashba, Responsa, Part VII, #477. Radbaz, Responsa, Part 3, #447, Part 4, #157.
- 5.
M. Kiddushin 1:1.
- 6.
The two cited verses are Leviticus 18:6 and 18:29–30.
- 7.
The Torah’s words “abomination” and “defilement” aptly apply to the kind of sexual abuse of which we are speaking. Whether this biblical language applies as aptly—or, for that matter, at all—with regard to its prohibition against homosexuality is, to put it mildly, a matter of dispute. Even those who would permit homosexual relations, though, would definitely apply that language to coercive sex (be it homosexual or heterosexual), and that is the subject here.
- 8.
Deuteronomy 25:11–12.
- 9.
Sifre on Deuteronomy 25:12; cf. M. Bava Kamma 8:1; B. Bava Kamma 83a, 86a-b, 28a, etc.
- 10.
The Rabbis in B. Bava Mezia 58b apply Leviticus 25:14 to monetary oppression and Leviticus 25:17 to verbal oppression.
- 11.
B. Bava Mezia 59a. Literally, “for since her tears are common, her oppression is near.” Rav, whose comment this is, does not limit his remark to verbal abuse, but the context is discussing the prohibition of oppressing people by means of words.
- 12.
B. Ketubbot 61a.
- 13.
B. Yevamot 62b; the verse cited is Job 5:24.
- 14.
Robert Bly is perhaps most well-known for making this point in a number of his books, from Iron John on. Whether due to nature or nurture or both, boys and men are, in his analysis, particularly sensitive to shaming, especially when it is done by someone close to the particular male involved and even more when it is done in public.
- 15.
B. Bava Kamma 56a; S.A. Hoshen Mishpat 28:1, gloss. In B. Pesahim 113b, Rav Papa has a man named Zigud punished for testifying alone against another man named Tuvya on the ground that the testimony of a single witness is inadmissible and so Zigud, knowing that he was the only witness, was effectively spreading defamatory information (motzi shem ra) about Tuvya. That, however, was when the act had already occurred; the requirement in the sources in B. Bava Kamma and in the comment of Isserles cited at the beginning of this note to testify even singly in all cases in which there is a benefit, including preventing another person from sinning, refers to a future gain. See also Hafetz Hayyim, Laws of Slurs (Lashon Ha-ra) 6:2–3 and Chap. 10, and Hafetz Hayyim, Laws of Gossip (Rekhilut) 9. Both are available at http://torah.org/learning/halashon.html (accessed 9/3/12).
- 16.
M.T. Laws of Murder 1:14. In 1:15, Maimonides adds both affirmative and negative injunctions to this obligation based on Deuteronomy 25:12, “And you shall cut off her hand [being applied here to the abuser]; your eye shall have no pity.” See also Rashi, B. Sanhedrin 73a, s.v. lo ta’amod.
- 17.
M.T. Laws of Testimony 1:1.
- 18.
Kesef Mishneh to M.T. Laws of Testimony 1:1; Rosh to Makkot, Chap. 1, #11. “Destroy the evil from your midst” occurs a number of times in the Torah as a general purpose of the law: Deuteronomy 13:6, 17:7, 19:19, 21:21, 22:21, 24:7; cf. also 17:12 and 22:22.
- 19.
M. Yoma 8:6; B. Yoma 83a; M.T. Laws of the Sabbath 2:1; S.A. Orah Hayyim 328:10.
- 20.
Deuteronomy 21:23.
- 21.
B. Bava Mezia 58b. The legal remedy for embarrassment in personal injury cases is discussed in the Mishnah Bava Kamma 8:1 and 8:6 and in the Talmud at B. Bava Kamma 86a-b and 91a, where the discussion of the essence of shame also appears.
- 22.
Genesis 1:27; 5:1. For a discussion of this principle, see Elliot N. Dorff, Matters of Life and Death: A Jewish Approach to Modern Medical Ethics (Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society,1998), pp. 18–20.
- 23.
B. Gittin 88b; M.T. Laws of Courts (Sanhedrin) 26:7. See Elliot N. Dorff and Arthur Rosett, A Living Tree: The Roots and Growth of Jewish Law (Albany, NY: State University of New York Press,1988), pp. 320–324, 515–539. See also Herschel Schachter, “Dina deMalchusa Dina,” Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society 1:1, and Simcha Krauss, “Litigation in Secular Courts,” Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society 11:1.
- 24.
Arukh Ha-Shulhan, Hoshen Mishpat 388:7.
- 25.
S.A. Hoshen Mishpat 388:12, according to the text quoted by Shakh at that place, comment #59, and by the Gaon of Vilna (Gra), #71.
- 26.
- 27.
The exception to the clergy/client privilege was established in the case of Tarasoff vs. Board of Regents of the University of California 529 P. 2d 553 (Cal. 1974); modified 551 P. 2d 334 ( 1976), which also affirmed the general privilege itself. The California Evidence Code, Article 8, Sect. 1033, states: “Subject to Section 912, a penitent, whether or not a party [i.e., litigant in the case before the court], has a privilege to refuse to disclose, and to prevent another from disclosing, a penitential communication if he claims the privilege”; and Sect. 1034 states: “Subject to Section 912, a clergyman, whether or not a party, has a privilege to refuse to disclose a penitential communication if he claims the privilege.” The parallel Arkansas statute, for another example, reads: “No minister of the gospel or priest of any denomination shall be compelled to testify in relation to any confession made to him in his professional character, in the course of discipline by the rule of practice of such denomination.” New York and Michigan, like California, substitute “allowed” for “compelled,” thus giving the penitent the right to prevent the clergyperson from revealing the confession made in his or her capacity as a member of the clergy. This “seal of the confessional” has been generally recognized by the civil courts even in those states that do not have such a privilege written into their evidence codes, even though common law does not consider confessions privileged from disclosure. New York is possibly the first of all English-speaking states from the time of the Reformation to grant this protection, for it is documented in a decision De Witt Clinton made in June, 1813. See Louisell, Kaplan, and Waltz, Cases and Materials on Evidence, 3rd edition (Mineola, NY: Foundation Press, 1976), pp. 666–667. I would like to thank Rabbi Ben Zion Bergman for these references.
- 28.
M. Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) 4:5.
- 29.
See Eliav Schochetman, “On the Nature of the Rules Governing Custody of Children in Jewish Law,” The Jewish Law Annual, Vol. X (Philadelphia: Harwood Academic Publishers, 1992), pp. 115–158; Michael J. Broyde, “Child Custody in Jewish Law: A Pure Law Analysis,” Jewish Law Association Studies VII: The Paris Conference Volume, S. M. Passamaneck and M. Finley, eds. (Atlanta: Scholars Press, 1994), pp. 1–20.
- 30.
B. Hullin 10a; see S.A. Orah Hayyim 173:2; Yoreh De’ah 116:5 gloss.
- 31.
The three exceptions of murder, idolatry, and adultery/incest, for which you are supposed to sacrifice your own life rather than commit these acts, are specified in B. Sanhedrin 74a. That saving your own life takes precedence over saving the lives of others is established in B. Bava Mezia 62a.
- 32.
B. Kiddushin 31b; M.T. Laws of Rebels 6:10. Radbaz on that passage points out that this may be best for the parent, for the child is forbidden from striking the parent, but others may do so if that is in the parent’s best interests, “for there are incidents every day” in which striking persons can retrieve them from their insanity (or, presumably, at least from the behavioral effects of it).
- 33.
B. Kiddushin 65b; B. Bava Mezia 3b; etc.
- 34.
B. Sanhedrin 9b, 10a, 25a; B. Ketubbot 18b; B. Yevamot 25b. See also T. Sanhedrin 11:1; B. Ketubbot 27a; B. Bava Kamma 72b. Cf. Aaron Kirschenbaum, Self-Incrimination in Jewish Law (New York: Burning Bush Press, 1970); and “Confession,” Encyclopedia Judaica 5:877–878.
- 35.
B. Bava Kamma 46a. See, for example, how the following use this authority in our case: R. Asher b. Jehiel (“ROSH”), Responsa, #101. Hoshen Mishpat 420:38.
- 36.
For an explicit application of Jewish sources to the 12-step programs, see Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky and Stuart A. Copans, M.D., Twelve Jewish Steps to Recovery (Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights 1991).
- 37.
B. Sanhedrin 99a, and see Rashi’s comment there. See Graetz, Silence Is Deadly (at Footnote 10 above) for further discussion of when and how the safety of the synagogue can be helpful for airing matters of human intimacy, including areas of vulnerability such as being a victim or perpetrator of abuse.
- 38.
One of the specific examples of ona’at devarim given in B. Bava Mezia 58a is reminding a person of past violations of the law. The verse forbidding putting a stumbling block before the blind (Leviticus 19:14) is probably talking in its plain meaning about physically blind people and physical stumbling blocks, but the classical Rabbis applied it also—indeed, more often—to intellectual and characterological stumbling blocks put before those who are blind in those areas. See, for example, B. Mo’ed Katan 17a; B. Bava Metzi’a 75b; B. Avodah Zarah 6b.
- 39.
. See ibid. for the meaning of this expression in Jewish law.
- 40.
I would like to thank Rabbi Joel Rembaum for pointing out this aspect of the situation and its implications for the process of teshuvah.
- 41.
Protecting Our Children: Information for Clergy Members about Child Abuse and Neglect, a publication of the Clergy Advisory Board of the California Consortium to Prevent Child Abuse, in collaboration with The Office of Child Abuse Prevention of the California Department of Social Services, 1600 Sacramento Inn Way, Suite 123, Sacramento, CA 95815. Copies can be ordered by calling (800)-405-KIDS.
- 42.
See Tempest in the Temple: Jewish Communities and Child Sex Scandals, Amy Neustein, ed. (Waltham, MA: Brandeis University Press, 2009), for a discussion of proper and improper ways to respond to reports of abuse. That book is about child abuse, but similar lessons apply to reports of spousal abuse.
- 43.
Reprinted from the 1992 High Holy Day Message of the Jewish Theological Seminary with the permission of the Jewish Theological Seminary. Also published in Newsweek, September 28, 1992, in selected regions, in The New York Times, October 1, 1992, and The Wall Street Journal on the same date. The bold print and italics indicated here are as they appeared in the published message.
References
Adler, R. (1998). Engendering Judaism: An inclusive theology and ethics. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society.
Briere, J. (1992). Child abuse trauma. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
Dorff, E. (2003). Love your neighbor and yourself: A Jewish approach to modern personal ethics. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society.
Graetz, N. (1998). Silence is deadly: Judaism confronts wifebeating. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.
Hertz, J. (1938). The Pentateuch and Haftorahs. London: Soncino.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Corresponding author
Editor information
Editors and Affiliations
Rights and permissions
Copyright information
© 2015 Springer Science+Business Media New York
About this chapter
Cite this chapter
Dorff, E. (2015). A Conservative Jewish Approach to Family Violence. In: Johnson, A. (eds) Religion and Men's Violence Against Women. Springer, New York, NY. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4939-2266-6_7
Download citation
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4939-2266-6_7
Published:
Publisher Name: Springer, New York, NY
Print ISBN: 978-1-4939-2265-9
Online ISBN: 978-1-4939-2266-6
eBook Packages: Behavioral ScienceBehavioral Science and Psychology (R0)