Abstract
Nothing demonstrates the practical application of the ideas we have been discussing more clearly than the love relationship. It is one area of our lives where primitive emotions can collide most dramatically with the logic of our beliefs. Love involves a redefinition of the boundaries of our self module to include another person. This can be a frightening or even impossible task if your self module is insecure or accustomed to fighting for survival. Differences in the self-concept between lovers can cause them to interpret the world in totally different and conflicting ways.
Love is a gift of oneself. — Jean Anouilh, 1948
The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. — Blaise Pascal 1656
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Bibliography
For step-by-step drawings of this development see Figure 3-3 in Money (1980).
One survey asked men and women how many sexual partners they would ideally like to have over various time intervals. The men’s preferences were three to four times higher than the women’s (Buss and Schmitt, 1993, p. 211).
For a study of male/female preferences of 37 peoples in 33 countries, see Fisher (1992, p. 47).
Walsh (1991, p. 182).
Buss and Schmitt (1993, p. 204).
84% allow polygamy (Fisher, 1992, pp. 66-69).
PEA addiction may be the basis of romance addiction. MAO inhibitors, which reduce PEA, help romance junkies (see Fisher, 1992, pp. 52-54). Dr. Thomas Insel and Dr. Sue Carter’s research with prairie voles, a small mammal that bonds for life, has found that after mating males have a large increase in vasopressin in their brain. Mating causes a dramatic behavior change with strong bonding to one female. On female voles, the magic chemical seemed to be oxytocin, the same chemical used to trigger uterine contractions and milk production in women (Nature, 1994).
See Fisher (1992, p. 43).
See Money (1980, p. 74).
Money (1980, p. 122).
See Marshall (1983, p. 107). Another unconscious contributor to the process of falling in love is the fact that we tend to like a face more when we have seen it repeatedly. Experimenter Robert Zajonic proved this by showing subjects pictures of faces and then testing their preferences. The more they had seen a particular face, the more they liked it (Gazzaniga, 1988, p. 169).
Perls (1969) read verbatim to see just how much a skilled observer of nonverbal communications can see. He believes that repression is a fallacy and that only the words are blocked. “We have blocked one side, and then the self-expression comes out somewhere else, in our movements, in our posture, and most of all in our voice. A good therapist doesn’t listen to the bullshit the patient produces, but to the sound, to the music, to the hesitations. Verbal communications is usually a lie. The real communications is beyond words.”
Jankowiak and Fischer (1992).
Solomon (1988, pp. 48-49).
Fisher (1992, pp. 109-113).
For extramarital sex see Walsh (1991, p. 236). One study found that out of 34 male deaths during coitus, 27 of them occurred with mistresses (Gazzaniga, 1988, p. 176).
Some people have a working vomeronasal system. This separate smell system with separate direct connections to the reptilian brain is a vestige from our evolutionary past. See Rivlin and Gravelle (1984, pp. 149-153).
See Ackerman (1990, p. 9).
Quote from “The Fleece” in Flowers of Evil
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© 1996 Thomas R. Blakeslee
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Blakeslee, T.R. (1996). Love Merging the Self. In: Beyond the Conscious Mind. Springer, Boston, MA. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4899-4533-4_11
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4899-4533-4_11
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