Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes

Abstract

As we navigate roles, companies, and our technical career, the topic of communication is going to come up. Communication is not just about how we speak, but about how we listen and observe. As I just started with Microsoft, I was given Satya Nadella’s new book, Hit Refresh. In it, he says, “Those who actively listen are more likely to be heard.” Active listening is a trait that you might think women excel at, but in truth, we have as many challenges with it as men. Where men speak and are less likely to listen, women listen, but don’t do so actively. A recent study by scholars from Brigham Young discovered that we’re either less likely to interact with the person speaking or fearful to speak up when we should. We nod our head, stating, “We hear you,” but, we’re shaking our head to offer the speaker comfort and acceptance than to actively listen and interact with what is being said. When we do ask questions, we often ask the wrong ones (most likely knowing the answer, but attempting to assure the speaker that we were listening), while men then go into unnecessary detail and valuable time into an answer we already know, wasting the time on what really needs to be discussed. Women’s strong observations skills note when someone is closed to continued discussion and will avoid a direct approach even when one is needed (which falls into that trust and upbringing once again).