Self-Acceptance and Successful Relationships

Abstract

Albert Ellis most simply defined unconditional self-acceptance (USA) as “accepting yourself as a person regardless of whether or not you perform well or others approve of you.” Ellis had a similar view of “unconditional other acceptance” (UOA), which he defined as the accepting of someone else without preconditions such as how they behaved, or how they view or treat you (Ellis, 1994). In Ellis’s view, it is their behavior, of course, that is subject to rational evaluation and non-acceptance. With respect to relationships, Ellis, with his trademark consistency, proposed that the quality of most serious marital difficulties is the irrational belief of each partner (Ellis, 1986). Thus, according to Ellis, the main ingredient of a successful relationship would be two logical thinking partners, who accept themselves and each other unconditionally. I believe that is certainly a good start. However, the mission of this chapter is to expand that premise a bit farther and define the challenges partners face according to their levels of maturity.