Grief and Loss of Self

Abstract

Arnold Toynbee (1969: 131) once said, ‘Death is un-American.’² If death is un-American, grief is disallowed. Death and, by extension, grief, symbolize loss and failure. In the dominant culture of the United States, grief is burdened with the residuals of the Protestant ethic with its beliefs in stoicism, individualism, rationality, privacy and systematic hard work. American beliefs and institutionalized practices towards grief separate it from ordinary life, view it as a private affliction, and expect the bereaved to get over it. This cultural backdrop can conflict with minority groups’ views of grief and thus result in harsh judgements and powerful constraints. In keeping with the Protestant ethic, many Americans believe in striving towards future goals, not in dwelling on the past, in utilitarianism, and in individual control and achievement. American beliefs and practices isolate the bereaved in profound grief when a significant person dies, and result in loss of self (Charmaz 1980; Marris 1974).

Thanks are due to Julia Allen and Catherine Nelson, members of the Sonoma State University Faculty Writing Group, and to Richard G. Mitchell and Debora Paterniti for their comments on an earlier draft of this chapter.