Advertisement

Regulating Shame in Schools: All You Need Is Respect

  • Uri Weinblatt
Chapter

Abstract

Teachers are ordinarily taught that effective communication with kids who misbehave in the class revolves around problem solving. Although such conversations are useful in low shame states, when shame is the major factor fueling the problematic behavior, such conversations lead either to noncooperation or to promises which, if broken, lead to more disappointment and shame. When a teacher and a student experience high levels of shame, their chances of having a constructive problem-solving conversation with each other are slim. Such exchanges are often fights disguising themselves as conversations, or a conversation that lacks any emotional impact because the student is emotionally detached and disconnected. Shame affects not only students and teachers but also the parents of the students. Parents can feel evaluated by teachers (especially if the child is misbehaving at school or fails academically), compare their child to others (and to themselves as students), and can feel stigmatized or marginalized by other parents. In this chapter, the dynamics of shame regulation between teachers and students and between teachers and parents is described. It offers practical suggestions for how teachers can develop a collaborative dialogue with students and their parents in situations marked by shame.

Keywords

Shame Schools Teachers Students Collaboration Evaluation 

References

  1. Asen, E., & Fonagy, P. (2012). Mentalization-based therapeutic interventions for families. Journal of Family Therapy, 34, 347–370.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
  2. Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York: Penguin.Google Scholar
  3. DeYoung, P. A. (2015). Understanding and treating chronic shame: A relational/neurobiological approach. New York: Routledge.Google Scholar
  4. Gilbert, P. (2000). The relationship of shame, social anxiety and depression: The role of the evaluation of social rank. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 7(3), 174–189.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
  5. Lazare, A. (2005). On apology. Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
  6. Weinblatt, U. (2017). Sorry is the hardest word: Wie man Entschuldigungen nutzt, um Schamgefühle in Beziehungen zu mindern. (How to use apologies in order to reduce shame) systhema, 31(2), 122–135.Google Scholar
  7. Wile, D. B. (1993). After the fight: Using your disagreements to build a stronger relationship. New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
  8. Wile, D. B. (2011). Collaborative couple therapy: Turning fights into intimate conversations. Psychotherapy in Australia, 17(3), 52.Google Scholar

Copyright information

© Springer International Publishing AG, part of Springer Nature 2018

Authors and Affiliations

  • Uri Weinblatt
    • 1
  1. 1.Systemic Mirroring Family Therapy InstituteModi’inIsrael

Personalised recommendations