Abstract
In this chapter, I will discuss how members of the LGBTQ community in Hungary think about family and kinship. This is often very different from the heteronormative definition of the state, which many of my respondents are critical of. However, the discourses they use to create their own interpretations make use of what David Schneider considers the main tenets of (Euro)-American kinship: blood connections and ‘diffuse, enduring solidarity’. By extending these to same-sex couples and rainbow families, however, my respondents queer traditional notions of kinship.
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Notes
- 1.
Rainbow families are defined as ‘families with children where parents are lesbian, gay, non-heterosexual or transgender’ (Kuosmanen and Jämsä 2007: 13, my translation). I will use this term when referring to families composed of same-sex couples with children. Other terms are problematic (Stacey 1996), especially as most of them automatically define the members of the same-sex couple as gay or lesbian, even though this might conflict with their self-definition. ‘Rainbow family’ is also the term most widely used within the Hungarian LGBTQ community.
- 2.
In reconstructed rainbow families, children come from a previous (usually heterosexual) relationship, while in planned rainbow families the formation of the same-sex relationship preceded the arrival of children.
- 3.
- 4.
Though Schneider’s book is called American Kinship, we shall soon see that many of his observations are applicable to Europe as well.
- 5.
At the time bisexuals and trans* people had even lower visibility than now, and most activist groups defined themselves as ‘gay’ or ‘gay and lesbian.’
- 6.
The Constitution Court’s function is to examine whether laws passed by or debated in the Parliament are consistent with the Constitution.
- 7.
Perhaps to counter this, some of my lesbian interviewees use the term ‘wife’ for their partner, as we will soon see.
- 8.
The family Bible is a book (usually the Bible) in which, on a blank front or back page, the dates of important family events (births, weddings, deaths) are recorded. If a kinsperson’s life events are not recorded in the family Bible, it suggests exclusion from, or very low prestige within, the family (Somlai 2002).
- 9.
Of course, anybody can request a change of her/his last name, but then the birth name is changed on all previous documents; thus, there is no indication that the name signifies ties to a partner. Also, certain ‘protected’ family names (e.g., those of famous people or former aristocrats) cannot be taken on at a name change.
- 10.
In Hungary, cohabitation (domestic partnership) is a separate legal status, with a limited number of rights, mostly in the field of health care and social services, so a person living with her/his partner is not considered single.
- 11.
Home insemination means that the woman acquires sperm from a male friend and injects it for herself with a syringe.
- 12.
In July 2019 the government announced its intent to legally ban adoption by gays and lesbians, though the bill has not yet been presented in Parliament.
- 13.
The Registered Partnership Act entered into force under a socialist government, which demonstrated much more unambiguous support for the EU and its principles than Orbán’s right-wing leadership.
- 14.
The Hungarian language does not have gendered pronouns; therefore, I will use ‘he/she’ in translation unless it is obvious what gender the speaker indicates.
- 15.
Based on his other posts and his style, I am quite convinced Travellerprick does not identify with the moral panic about the ‘demographic crisis’; I am less sure about Floya’s attitude to fetal citizenship.
- 16.
Race is not explicitly mentioned on the form but usually put in the rubric of ‘other wishes.’ However, based on the experience of a lesbian adoptive mother I spoke to, to-be adopters are expected to make explicit their requirements regarding the race of the child.
- 17.
- 18.
At least on the level of practices; we do not know about her emotional attachments, but we cannot take those for granted.
- 19.
An anonymous donor can also request a genetic test and claim visitation rights, but in the LGBTQ community it is considered less likely that the court would give him full custody of the child. There are no known cases where a donor intended to be uninvolved successfully sued for visitation or custody.
- 20.
‘legyen jó feje, minden értelemben.’ Though the expression is unclear, it might refer to intellectual capacities, to being a friendly person (‘jó fej’) or even to being good-looking.
- 21.
Angol uses ‘queer’ (buzi) in the sense LGBTQ.
- 22.
It is interesting how adoption is added as an afterthought; Angol clearly wants to be politically correct, but this form of inclusion posits adoption as part of the ‘social fiction’ of biogenetic kinship (Weston 1991), without reflection on how it complicates the notion of kinship as grounded in biology.
- 23.
Angol’s inclusion of Down’s syndrome in the list contrasts with Rapp’s findings, according to which parents of children with Down’s syndrome often think of them as removed from their kinship network and belonging to a ‘separate tribe,’ because their biogenetic connection to their parents is not apparent (Rapp 1995).
- 24.
- 25.
‘én nem haragszom a nénire, mert ő már nem az életem része.’ The sentence is said in the third person singular, which is also a formal way of address; nevertheless, one way of understanding it is that the man is not speaking directly to the woman but about her. This interpretation is reinforced by the use of the pronoun ‘ő’ (she) in the second half of the sentence, which could be reported speech or a direct quote of what the son said. This double meaning cannot be conveyed in English.
- 26.
‘Néni’ literally means aunt, but this is the common way of address by children and young people toward (often unrelated and unknown) elderly women; it is never used for one’s mother.
- 27.
This conflation recalls early twentieth-century eugenistic arguments, which considered all traits coming from one’s parents (whether through biogenetic connection or upbringing) as ‘inherited’ and inheritable (Pernick 1997).
- 28.
- 29.
In this Hungarian folk custom, teenage girls (less often boys) exchange gifts as tokens for a lifelong friendship, later often becoming godparents to each other’s children. While the rituals connected to koma relationships are no longer a living tradition, many—especially rural—people use the term ‘koma’ for their children’s godparents.
- 30.
In colloquial speech, Budapest is often referred to as ‘Pest.’
- 31.
Indeed, as I am writing this, the government has just announced a reform that will make parental leave available for grandparents as well.
- 32.
Unfortunately, I have not found any literature on families of choice in German cities.
- 33.
I have preserved or reproduced the punctuation of forum posts.
- 34.
This is not to say that female same-sex relationships are factually longer than male ones. Nevertheless, long-term partnerships seem an expectation in the Hungarian lesbian community, even if practices deviate from this ideal (Béres-Deák 2007).
- 35.
I started every interview by asking the person to list the members of her/his family.
- 36.
In Chapter 6, we will see that such chosen families may indeed form around heterosexual family members of LGBTQ people.
- 37.
Indeed, Vándor has two such friends, but the other one is married with children, and that is probably why she does not celebrate with them.
- 38.
In Hungary, the center of Christmas celebrations (including gift-giving) is Christmas Eve: traditionally, people spend this evening at home with their family, then (if they are Catholic) go to the Midnight Mass together.
- 39.
They may also pass on this awareness to people related to them, in this case Sára; this will be discussed further in Chapter 6.
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Béres-Deák, R. (2020). Approaches to Kinship in the Hungarian LGBTQ Community. In: Queer Families in Hungary . Palgrave Macmillan Studies in Family and Intimate Life. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-16319-8_3
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Print ISBN: 978-3-030-16318-1
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eBook Packages: Social SciencesSocial Sciences (R0)