Abstract
This paper addresses the problem of pressure on a person to forgive that often makes forgiveness impossible or superficial. It proposes that clients who are unwilling or unable to forgive can still be encouraged to let go of interpersonal hatred because it is psychologically harmful to them. The issue of forgiving the person toward whom the hatred is directed can be treated more easily later, after the hatred has been removed or at least much reduced. The present theoretical approach distinguishes between anger and hatred; it provides a brief understanding of the origin of hatred from an object relations perspective with a focus on splitting. The emphasis is on moderate interpersonal hatred, since severe hatred raises special difficulties. The question of when a person has sufficient freedom to let go of moderate hatreds is addressed. This is followed by identifying reasons why people enjoy hatred, and how hatred provides some short-term psychological rewards. Finally, different psychological harms caused by hatred are identified. Overcoming interpersonal hatred by praying for those you hated is presented; the effect of such prayer on reducing splitting is especially noted. The conclusion is a descriptive summary of stages to be used in treating clients’ hatreds before addressing forgiveness.
This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.
Similar content being viewed by others
References
Akhtar, S., & Parens, H. (Eds.). (2014). Revenge: Narcissistic injury, rage and retaliation. Lanham, MD: Jason Aronson.
Álvarez-Segura, M., Echavarria, M. F., Lafuente, M., Zeiders, C., Antonín, P., & Vitz, P. C. (2017). Defense mechanisms: Determined or ethical choices or both? European Journal of Science and Theology, 13(3), 5–14.
Alvarez-Segura, M., Echavarria, M. F., & Vitz, P. C. (2017). A psycho-ethical approach to personality disorders: The role of volitionality. New Ideas in Psychology, 47, 49–56.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association.
Bandura, A. (2001). Social cognitive theory: An agentic perspective. Annual Review of Psychology, 51, 1–26.
Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human strength. New York, NY: Penguin Books.
Bion, W. R. (1957). Differentiation of the psychotic from the non-psychotic personalities. In W. R. Bion (Ed.), Second thoughts: Selected papers on psych-analysis. London, UK: William Heinemann-Medical Books.
Chester, D. C. (2017). The role of positive affect in aggression. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 26(4), 366–370.
DeYoung, R. K. (2009). Glittering vices: A new look at the seven deadly sins and their remedies. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press.
Ellis, A. (1962). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. New York, NY: Lyle Stuart.
Ellis, A. (2001). Overcoming destructive beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books.
Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide to resolving anger and restoring hope. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Fitzgibbons, R. P. (1986). The cognitive and emotional uses of forgiveness in the treatment of anger. Psychotherapy, 23, 629–633.
Gaylin, W. (2003). Hatred: The psychological descent into violence. New York, NY: Public Affairs Books.
Gilligan, J. (1996). Violence: Our deadly epidemic and its causes. New York, NY: Putnam.
Greenberg, J. R., & Mitchell, S. A. (1983). Object relations in psychoanalytic theory. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Izadpanah, S., Schumacher, M., & Barnow, S. (2017). Anger rumination mediates the relationship between reinforcement sensitivity and psychopathology: Results of a 5-year longitudinal study. Personality and Individual Differences, 110, 49–54.
Kernberg, O. (1990). Hatred as pleasure. In R. A. Glick & S. Bone (Eds.), Pleasure beyond the pleasure principle (pp. 177–188). New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
Kernberg, O. (1991). The psychopathology of hatred. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 39, 209–238.
Klein, M. (1935/1975). A contribution to the psychogenesis of manic-depressive states. In R. Money-Kyrle (Ed.) The writings of Melanie Klein (Vol. I, pp. 262–289). New York, NY: The Free Press.
Klein, M. (1946/1975). Notes on some schizoid mechanisms. In R. Money-Kyrle (Ed.) The writings of Melanie Klein (Vol. III, pp. 1–24). New York, NY: The Free Press (Macmillan).
Klein, M. (1958/1975). On the development of mental functioning. In R. Money-Kyrle (Ed.) The writings of Melanie Klein (Vol. III, pp. 236–246). New York, NY: The Free Press (Macmillan).
Klein, M. (1975). Envy and gratitude and other works, 1946–1963. New York, NY: Delacorte Press.
Meissner, W. W. (1993). Self as agent in psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysis and Contemporary Thought, 16, 459–495.
Meltzer, D. (1974). Mutism in infantile autism, schizophrenia and manic-depressive states. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 55, 397–404.
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2012). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Munhall, P. (1993). Women’s anger and its meanings: A phenomenological perspective. Health Care for Women International, 14(6), 481–491.
Royzman, E. B., Mccauley, C., & Rozin, P. (2005). From Plato to Putnam: Four ways to think about hate. In R. J. Sternberg (Ed.), The psychology of hate (pp. 3–35). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Segal, H. (1981). The work of Hanna Segal. New York, NY: Jason Aronson.
Shapiro, J. L. (2016). We hate what we fear: Interpersonal hate from a clinical perspective. In K. Aumer (Ed.), The psychology of love and hate in intimate relationships (pp. 153–177). Cham: Springer.
Stekel, W., (Trans. L. Brink) (1939). Sadism and masochism: The psychology of hatred and cruelty, Vol. 1 & 2. New York, NY: Liveright.
Sternberg, R. J. (Ed.). (2005). The psychology of hatred. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Summers, F. (1994). Object relations theories and psychopathology. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.
Sykes, C. J. (1992). A nation of victims: The decay of the American character. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.
Vitz, P. C., & Mango, P. (1997a). Kleinian psychodynamics and religious aspects of hatred as a defense mechanism. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 25(1), 64–71.
Vitz, P. C., & Mango, P. (1997b). Kernbergian psychodynamics and religious aspects of the forgiveness process. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 25(1), 72–80.
Wolberg, L. R. (1988). The technique of psychotherapy, part 1 (Vol. 4). Philadelphia, PA: Grune and Stratton.
Worthington, E. L. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation. New York, NY: Routledge.
Worthington, E. L., & Wade, N. G. (1999). The social psychology of unforgiveness and forgiveness and implications for clinical practice. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 18, 385–418.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Corresponding author
Ethics declarations
Conflict of interest
Dr. Paul C. Vitz declares that he has no conflict of interest.
Additional information
I owe much to comments on drafts of this paper by Benjamin Keyes and Everett L. Worthington, Jr. Also to Lisa Klewicki, William Nordling and an anonymous reviewer. Others who made contributions are cited in the text.
Rights and permissions
About this article
Cite this article
Vitz, P.C. Addressing Moderate Interpersonal Hatred Before Addressing Forgiveness in Psychotherapy and Counseling: A Proposed Model. J Relig Health 57, 725–737 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-018-0574-6
Published:
Issue Date:
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-018-0574-6